love

the loved ones, because whom the life become more cheerful

Someone says that Life is like a roller coaster, sometime we feel getting UP and sometime we feel getting DOWN. Happiness and sadness interchangeably greets us as a temptation.When we are happy, everything looks just very easy. When we are sad  everything looks nothing but troublesome. However, there is always a reason to cheer up and to be stronger, even when we are in the bottom of extremely bad position. For me, the reason is my family.

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There is a time in a day, I always  wait  for, it is a time being together with you.

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There is a day in a week, I always want to,  it is a day spending  together with you.

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There is some one to whom I always look for, it is you.

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There is a gift, because what I always feel happy, it is you.

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There is a story that I always want to tell you, it is story about you.

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There is a place where I always feel home,  it is a place where you are

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It is you that make me feel blessed all the day. Thanks God, for this full of blessing life. Thanks my loved ones, for being with me.

*) Location : George Green Wind Mill and Science Centre, University of Nottingham, Jubilee Campus.

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The First Page of A New Chapter from Our Loving History Book

“… even, you do not know (exactly) what will happen tomorrow.” – a random verse of Qur’an.

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What does really define our Life? This question must have different answer from differing people. Even, for my self, it is changing over the times. What I understood about life  several years ago could be exactly different with what I am understanding now. Lately, my family really defines what my life is all about. For me, my family is a place where I always want to go home to wherever I am. A place where I always feel comfort, even in troublesome occasion.

Time is ticking. After more than a year being apart from my family, thankfully, right now, we can see the same sun in the same place together again. And it is the new chapter of our loving history book, living in Nottingham, United of Kingdom. Hopefully,  everything does not change but being better afterwards. Because, I do believe that nothing never happens without a reason. Though, frequently we do not know the reason until a long time later on.

Solo, Adi Soemarmo International Airport, 12 January 2014

It is always not easy thing, even the hardest thing in life, to say Good Bye to the loved ones. A bunch of thanks for everything you do my beloved parents, sister and brothers, nieces for consistent supporting us which no one will do but you. I will be always missing you everyday and hope to see you soon in the future.

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Jakarta, Soekarno Hatta International Airport, 13 January 2014 (00:25 pm)

It was really very  early in the morning. The stewardess told us to fasten the seat belt, and the plane will fly to Qatar. But, I don’t know why, my heart just do not want to let me go. How difficult living in this homeland country never make me easy to say good bye. Again, I should realize that whatever happens I do love you my mother land, a place where I want to dedicate the rest of my Life until I have to close my eyes forever.

Doha, Qatar International Airport, 13 January 2014 (06.00 am)

It was the first flight for my son, Ilyas,  and it was a very long and boring on the sky. He cried when he felt so boring during the 8 hours flight from Jakarta to Doha. I saw him laugh out again, he met his first female British friend in the air port. They look very happy to meet each other, and they play hide and seek together. They found their own way to be happy. Unfortunately, they should say good bye again very soon after that lovely coincidental meeting. Hopefully, they will meet again in random time in the future.

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Manchester International Airport, 13 January 2014 (02.00 pm)

After another 8 hours flight, finally we arrived at Manchester, United of Kingdom. It was not our final destination. We have another coach trip for 4 hours from Manchester to Nottingham.

The New Sun Shine From Nottingham

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Finally, we live together in this lovely city. A placed where we will learn many things about life and love. Priceless experiences that we will never forget and appreciate much in the future. A place we put a bunch of hope together for a better life. Welcome to Nottingham my loved ones. Let us start our first step in this fruitful chapter of our life. Hope you will be always happy and enjoy your wonderful life here. Let us write this life story with our gold ink. A story that will be always nice to remember in the future. A story about I, you, life, love, and God who always one and the only one behind the scenario of our life story. To whom we will go home in the end of the day.

We and our life are never perfect. But, come along with you we can turn this imperfectness into great opportunities.

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Now, I always have a reason to never give up. A reason to be fully charged in my single day. A reason to never feel lonely. It is your smiles. Now, none of each single time but happiness. Because, we will be always together, inshaa Allah. O, ya Allah, bless our family as always. Give me a full of blessing life now, and after. Ammiiin.

my Family : the place where at the end of day my sailing boat will lie the anchor to

….. and  at the end of the day I really want to go home to something worth going home to namely family. I am so lucky, I have it.

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Being apart – in a place of a long lonely journey and too far away – from the loved ones was never easy.

It was so Sunday (12/05/2013). I woke up from my tight sleep at around 2.15 am in the morning. I took Wudlu and prayed for Isyak, Tahajut, Hajat, and Witir. In each single of my prayer, I always pray for my loved ones, family, and friends. To be given all of blessing in their life. After having my Sahur Meal,  I went to mosque at Portland Building the University Park. It was quite cold day because a day before was raining for along the day. It was like a winter again that force me to wear my thick jacket. I walked for about 15 minutes to arrive at the mosque. Conquering the extremely cold weather was paid off with warm greeting from my brothers-in-islam in the mosque and I loved it so much.

After the Subuh prayer, I hid under my thick Duvet  while reciting the Quran and Istigotsah. I was so sleepy and finally overslept while the Quran was still in my hands. an hour later, I woke up again. Suddenly, I missed my mother very much. I kept in touch with my wife and son everyday, but did not with my mother. I contacted my mother quite rarely, at most once a week. I took my mobile phone and called her.

I could hear from her voice that She was extremely happy. I could see and hear love in each single word she spoke to me.  She always wanted to make sure that I was all right, healthy, and happy. I found encouraging in each single of her lough. When, I asked her to make prayer for me, she always convinced me that even I did not request to, she always and will always be praying for me. O, I love you mom and Dad. Sorry, for that I had always  been  pretending so busy with my own business, while in your heart ,  I knew that I was always be there.

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Her caring and loving voices reminded me that  actually I had so many people that loved me. I had a big family that loving me sincerely but I took them for granted. I had parents, parent in-law, sisters, brothers, sisters in law, brothers in law, uncles, aunties, nephews, nieces, cousins, and so forth.  But, I ignored them. I did not care about them and I looked like I did not really need them so far. It was true that I had many friends. Friends that are some time more than family. Frequently, I prefer friends to family to share my Life with. I felt more comfort to share my problems with my friends than to my family. I was so lucky, I have many nice friends yet made me forget that I have family.

Suddenly, I took my mobile phone and I made call to my aunties, my mother- in law,  my cousins, my brother and sister in-law. Indeed,  it was my first time I contacted them since I came to the UK. It was my first time I communicated directly with them, since I said good bye to them. Oh God, how evil I was. They were so surprised and extremely happy that I contacted them just for asking how their life was going. I could hear clearly from their voice a convincing truth of how they are sincerely caring, loving, and wishing me a best luck all the time. They were the most beautiful poem that I ever had. They were my supporting hearts.  That, ridiculously I just realized it.

eventually,  when I was down, … it  reminded me that there are other hearts hoping  me to be very successful in the near future.

And at the end of the day I really want to go home to something worth going home to namely family. I felt so lucky I have a family, the place where at the end of day my sailing boat will lie the anchor to.

**

It was raining and the sky was so dark, but it can not stop my foot path walking to the Lab. Lonely, I spent my time in the lab to deal with my PhD stuff until 09.00 PM. Thank you Allah for my Family. It was a priceless gift I ever had. I will never muff them again. Thank you Allah for the day. I love you !

When That Day is Getting Closer

So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue
To see you once again, my love
Overseas from coast to coast
To find the place I love the most
Where the fields are green
To see you once again, my love

To hold you in my arms
To promise you my love
To tell you from the heart
You’re all I’m thinking of

I’m reaching for a love seem so far

(Westlife)

Life and Love, two things that are hardly can  be separated.  Even, our first ancestor : Adam and Hawa (Eve), met in this world because of Love. Because of love, we can feel this world beautifully.

When did I firstly, know Love?

Love from my Mom and Dad, definitely.  My grand father, grand mother, siblings, and from all my families that show me the meaning what love is. When, I was teenager, I knew love from my friends, I knew love from my teachers. Then, when I was guy, I was firstly knew love from my girl friend. That’s the most memorable thing in my life. That’s when I firstly fallen in love with my girl friend. Oghh… that was what it was beautiful love.

Sometime, I can not differ between Love and Sexual desire. But, then love frequently comes and goes on, while  life keeps on  flowing away.  Eventually, I knew that Love is not always  as beautiful as what we think about it. Finally, I realized that our lover doesn’t always around us, that our lover doesn’t always beside us when we need it, and Love will be always be Love.

Is It the True Love?

Now, I am man. I am not teenager or guy anymore.  I have chosen a girl for my life. A girl that will be always in my side starting from next month. A girl that will share her life with me. A girl that will be my Life-mate to live this rest of my life. A girl that will make a family with me. However, I still wonder whether She is the right one, whether she is the best one for me, whether I sincerely love her? I do not fully know about this feeling. I just believe, God never makes mistake in giving me something.

I am happy, but I am afraid.

Leaving from single status to married status is questionable for me. I have been accustomed to lead this life lonely. I am not sure whether share with other to life together, even to share everything together is easy for me.  I am not sure, whether I will be a good lover, a good friend, a good husband, a good father, a good leader at the right time for my wife and my family. The thing that I hold tightly is I Just “believe”. I just believe that Times will teach me.  I just believe God will guide me.

Oh Ya Allah, Barakallahu Lana. Rabbana Hablana, min ajwajina wadzuriatina quraata a’yun waj’alna lilmuttaqina Imaman.

Ya Allah Bless Us !  Oh God make my wife, my children, my family a happiness  for us ! Make them a pearl in my heart and eyes! that will make us getting closer to you, that make us getting better in loving You, not its “vice versa”.  Because I know, You and only you the ultimate love of love Ya Allah….. You are the final destination of this love,  in this life and life after this life.

Thank you Allah. Alhamdulilah 🙂 for this Love. I am waiting for that day and the days after that day.

love and its mysterious story


Have you ever fallen in Love?
Once wake up, then you fallen again in the same hole.

I am speechless and my tongue is stiff talking about love. My brain is dumb thinking about love. But, I can feel it. However, this feeling of Love is the most unreasonable and uncontrollable thing in my Life. When I was deeply fallen in this hole, I was feeling my body is half-ly died. There is nothing want to do, but listening my own heart beat. Love is a couple of sweet and bitter. To love someone is everyone’s right, but to be loved is not your right. Frequently, I manage to go away from Love trap, but frequently I am trapped and fallen again and again.

When, I was fallen in Love hole, and I knew that I can do nothing, but just feel it. I like to sing  a song entitled ” and it is impossible”.

Oh Love, Your face, Your heart, and everything about yourself
It  always be in my heart

Since the first sight
I know that feeling
but I could not
to pick you

And there is no way for me
to reach your love
though feeling in my heart
want to own you

May, love must be sacrificed
even have to wait forever
I know …
you’re not for me.

I do not know, when this love will find its final destination. Should I die first to find my true love?