the secret behind my signature

To tell you the truth, it refers to a girl named : May, Dewi Mayasari Huehe….

Have you got my formal Signature? It is very cool right :D. Right now, I have two signatures : the first one is the formal one as I signed in legal formal document, and the second one is the informal one, but it is the most commonly-used one that is the arabic version of my name : “mukhlason”.  May I was the only freak one in this world having two different signature use commonly.

I am telling you here my formal signature one. I signed it for my ID Card, for my degree certificate and for my any legal formal document. As shown in above-figured picture, it is my signature. It looks so weird and strange, right? It doesn’t indicate my name at all. There is a secret behind this Signature. Bellow is the story:

When I was young and I was senior high school student,  I am firstly deeply fallen in love with a girl. She was  not too beautiful, but she was too special for me since in the first sight. Apparently, She knew that I love her, and  I knew from her  body language that she had the same feeling. But, this kind of love feeling is never revealed. But, this kind of feeling is never told.

I firstly met her in welcome ceremony in my school, and I lastly met her in the farewell ceremony out my school. Between in and out school, there are so many unforgetable nice stories in my mind.  I dont know why, she is so very special for me, since I first met her. She is a girl come from Papua (but, actually his father and mother is javanese and sundanese respectively). There is story when we were in one class. In that class,  although we were  in different desk, but we  intentionally sat in the same chair. She wrote for me, and I write for her. We were in the “lucky” school that  time, Our school is in pesantren i.e. islamic dormitory, in which relationship between guys and girls is strictly prohibitted.

When That Day is Getting Closer

So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue
To see you once again, my love
Overseas from coast to coast
To find the place I love the most
Where the fields are green
To see you once again, my love

To hold you in my arms
To promise you my love
To tell you from the heart
You’re all I’m thinking of

I’m reaching for a love seem so far

(Westlife)

Life and Love, two things that are hardly can  be separated.  Even, our first ancestor : Adam and Hawa (Eve), met in this world because of Love. Because of love, we can feel this world beautifully.

When did I firstly, know Love?

Love from my Mom and Dad, definitely.  My grand father, grand mother, siblings, and from all my families that show me the meaning what love is. When, I was teenager, I knew love from my friends, I knew love from my teachers. Then, when I was guy, I was firstly knew love from my girl friend. That’s the most memorable thing in my life. That’s when I firstly fallen in love with my girl friend. Oghh… that was what it was beautiful love.

Sometime, I can not differ between Love and Sexual desire. But, then love frequently comes and goes on, while  life keeps on  flowing away.  Eventually, I knew that Love is not always  as beautiful as what we think about it. Finally, I realized that our lover doesn’t always around us, that our lover doesn’t always beside us when we need it, and Love will be always be Love.

Is It the True Love?

Now, I am man. I am not teenager or guy anymore.  I have chosen a girl for my life. A girl that will be always in my side starting from next month. A girl that will share her life with me. A girl that will be my Life-mate to live this rest of my life. A girl that will make a family with me. However, I still wonder whether She is the right one, whether she is the best one for me, whether I sincerely love her? I do not fully know about this feeling. I just believe, God never makes mistake in giving me something.

I am happy, but I am afraid.

Leaving from single status to married status is questionable for me. I have been accustomed to lead this life lonely. I am not sure whether share with other to life together, even to share everything together is easy for me.  I am not sure, whether I will be a good lover, a good friend, a good husband, a good father, a good leader at the right time for my wife and my family. The thing that I hold tightly is I Just “believe”. I just believe that Times will teach me.  I just believe God will guide me.

Oh Ya Allah, Barakallahu Lana. Rabbana Hablana, min ajwajina wadzuriatina quraata a’yun waj’alna lilmuttaqina Imaman.

Ya Allah Bless Us !  Oh God make my wife, my children, my family a happiness  for us ! Make them a pearl in my heart and eyes! that will make us getting closer to you, that make us getting better in loving You, not its “vice versa”.  Because I know, You and only you the ultimate love of love Ya Allah….. You are the final destination of this love,  in this life and life after this life.

Thank you Allah. Alhamdulilah 🙂 for this Love. I am waiting for that day and the days after that day.

love and its mysterious story


Have you ever fallen in Love?
Once wake up, then you fallen again in the same hole.

I am speechless and my tongue is stiff talking about love. My brain is dumb thinking about love. But, I can feel it. However, this feeling of Love is the most unreasonable and uncontrollable thing in my Life. When I was deeply fallen in this hole, I was feeling my body is half-ly died. There is nothing want to do, but listening my own heart beat. Love is a couple of sweet and bitter. To love someone is everyone’s right, but to be loved is not your right. Frequently, I manage to go away from Love trap, but frequently I am trapped and fallen again and again.

When, I was fallen in Love hole, and I knew that I can do nothing, but just feel it. I like to sing  a song entitled ” and it is impossible”.

Oh Love, Your face, Your heart, and everything about yourself
It  always be in my heart

Since the first sight
I know that feeling
but I could not
to pick you

And there is no way for me
to reach your love
though feeling in my heart
want to own you

May, love must be sacrificed
even have to wait forever
I know …
you’re not for me.

I do not know, when this love will find its final destination. Should I die first to find my true love?

Overwhelmed: Hmm………

“Too Many things want to do in Too limited time”.  Yes, definitely that is perfectly describing how I am right now lately. My desk in my office is fulled with work sheet. In my computer and laptop desktop as well, too many things overwhelmed me there.

Before joining Information System Department, faculty of Information Technology ITS as lecturer, one of things drive me to choose this profession is by being a lecturer, I will have spare times for out of work activities. I was imagining besides delivering lecture to my students, I can actively join another social and  religious organizations and activities. Dedicating my times not only in my work place, but also contributing in other places.

But, Imagination not always comes True. haha….. My Imagination is absolutely false. Standing here,  I am overwhelmed with many many works. Not only dealing with academic and lecturing activities. Even, I can not accomplish all my  academic activities.  Delivering lecture without any preparation is one of bad habit example here. And Writing is the worst case example. Here, I have never time for writing many ideas in my heads. Thus, regrettably many ideas in my head flight away by the time goes away, never have a chance to keep them in written manuscript.

Sometime, I thinks I should learn how to be effective people. Hemm… Good Idea, but I have never a great t ime s to learn it. In each weekend I have to got to go out this city, traveling in another city for my another activities.

So, when I  enjoy my Life? haha… fortunately, I am happy with everything I have done and doing. Although my life looks so hard but, I am happy. Dealing with anything that I love much. May tomorrow always gets better and better.

Well, Whatever happens, there should be a reason. Its My Life. And I love my Life as it is.

Just want to follow their foot steps print

kh ilyasWhen someone graduated from University, what does many people expect? Getting a good job with high salary in such as in Multinational Oil and Gas Company for example, isn’t.But, I do not know why I do not really interested to do so.

I have imagined my self,  got those prestigious kind of Jobs. Then  I could make much money from my Job. Then I could buy a luxurious cars, glotious houses, marry with dreamy beautiful girl, travel on the vacation around the world,  taste all delicious food, get funny sons and daughters. Then less than 40 years later, eventually I will die. That’s all about of a Life?

I am not hypocrite, I am also dreaming to be like that. Because I know not everyone can pursuit those kind of Life. But, I sometime think this Life is too short, merely  just to  pursuit those kind of Life. Is those kind of Life make sense and in line  with the purpose and objective of our creation here. Life just to pursuit money and happiness for ourselves.

Yeah I know. Its all about, choice of Life.  And I am not in full of  my heart to pursue those kind of Life. I think there is something more important than that. To be honest, I am so impressed with the way of life of Ulema. Ulema is Scientist and best practitioner  in Religion [Islam]. They life so humble for their self, so far away from to be greedy.  But, they dedicate all of their life  for others. They contribute much for others. They so close with their God. Learn knowledge, and share the knowledge for others. Not only knowledge for this Life, but also knowledge about Life after Life. Really, Really they life in real life. In each single of their life seems to be meaningful, not only for their self. But also give a meaning for others.

Oh God, I am praying to pursuit this kind of Life, the Life of Ulema. Someone who loves You much, and You love him/her much as well. I just want to follow their foot steps prints. The foot steps of Ulema, the heir of your prophets. The prophets who guide us to attain you.

cakshon [@ ITS 010409 : 07:56 AM]