…. there were times and moments in life, from which later on,  it extremely turnt your life, it redefined your Life a value,

When I graduated from my first-degree University, one of careers that I have not ever imagined to be is being a Teacher. In my mind that time is, that job was a very ridiculously low-income  second-class Job and exactly not a prestigious Job. And, I have never thought that I had a capacity to be a teacher since I did realized and defined my self as a bad public speaker, a bad motivator, and definitely I was not a good role-model. Attributes that should be posed by a good teacher.

Thus, it is just like what the majority of top class university’s  graduates dreamt of, I choosed to start my career as an Engineer in one of multi-national companies and lived in the capital city, the Jakarta, a symbol of highest-standard life in Indonesia. Until finally I arrived at a moment, I felt stuck with my Life, I felt stuck with very superficial and hypocrite of Jakarta life style. And I decided to resign from my Job and accept an offer to study for a Master degree abroad.

Accidentaly, my supervisor asked me to dealing with what I was afraid much of i.e. her students, as a Teaching Assistant. It is too difficult to define and imagine how nervous and very unconfident I was at that time. I just wanted to die at that time. But, accidentally too, I found a feeling that I have never found before. a feeling that I had looked for, for a very long time so far. a feeling that could elaborate what the ultimate of happiness was. Lately, I knew that feeling was called a passion.

Now, I am a teacher in a University and thanks God, I am very very happy with my Job. dealing with students is the ultimate happiness of me. My students are fountains of vigor that make my Life more live. When I dealt with them, actually I have never tought them but I have learnt many things from them. Thanks you very much my students.

to my students, I miss you guys badly.

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Believe it or not, in live we need someone we wanna to be, someone we admire him/her, someone who continuously  inspiring and encouraging us a long life.

As new lecturer, sometime I do need a model.  I mean ideal model, like whom i supposed to be. Unfortunately, since my department is one of the newest departments in my University I do not find it. So, sometime I feel my career in this department is directionless. I know there are other lecturers in this department.However, I do not find one of them is the “real” lecturer. I knew them, just do it as a profession and for making money. I do hope, I was wrong. What I mean “real” lecturer here is the one who fully dedicates his/her life for educating student, nurturing  science and technology, and finally giving something beneficial for public.

Till, one day I met a Professor in my University. He is still young professor. But, I find him as perfect model for what I call “real” lecturer. He inspired me to keep on learning,researching,and writing. Thank a lot for him.

“Alhamdulilah” [ read : thanks God ] . Finally, this semester was ended.  You know this semester is my first debut as a lecturer at Information System Dept.  ITS.  I am still remembering, Hows the things in the beginning of this semester. I was so afraid, fear not confident, not sure whether I can deliver two courses that actually I do not really understand while finishing my own MSc studies, preparing my oral defense for my thesis viva in different country with where I pointed to teach this course. But, the adagium “There is Nothing To Fear, But The Fear Its Self” should be correct on me.  I passed my thesis defense for my MSc. and Now finally, I can end this course successfully. Thanks God.

Is it beautiful ending? I am not sure actually, because I do not know how to measure , how to judge that I can say this course is ended beautifuly. Does It depend on my students or depend on me. If  It depends on my students, I am sure They will judge that It is a beautiful ending if I give all of them A mark. Ha ha… It should be not fair  isn’t it. But, to tell you the truth, I am feeling happy with this semester.

Are my courses Successful? Once more, I am not sure How to measure the success of a course. Is It merely depends on the final mark of the student. I thinks It is also not fair. Because how a lecturer examinate and evaluate  the students is also very relative. There are some lecturers with very high , high, moderate or even low expectation to the students. The lecturer with very high expectation will make a very difficult question for student examination,  then, merely no student will pass. In other hand, the lecturer with low expectation will make a easy question for student examination,  then, merely no student will fail.

The above-depicted picture is the final result for two courses I taught this semester. It is not so bad isn’t it? For the first course, Science Management, the average grade is  62.28 (BC) . There are only 6 students (10.7%) got A and There are only 3 students (5.36%) failed this course. However, There are  17 students (30.4%) are barely passed this course with grade D ( D is considered Pass for this course). For the second course, Intelligent System, the average grade is 63.92 (BC). It is a little bit better than the prior one. But, there only 1 student (2.3%) got A for this course, hows bad isn’t it? Fortunately, there are only 4 students (9.1%) failed this course.

Basically, I can make each student happy with the end of this course by making each student passed this course. I think some other lecturers did it. But, I am very sorry I can do it. So some students must be unsatisfied, even disappointed with my courses. In one side, I want to make my student happy, but in other side I should be fair. I am sure, my student concern much more on how they grasp the material of my courses than concern on hows their mark is. If They failed my course, they can retake it in other semester. May They will be lucky in the future time. Pass and Fail is something very ordinary.  It is not a taboo thing.

I realize I have yet to be a good, I have not done my best, as a lecturer for my students. I am very sorry to this matter. But I am sure, although it is only a little bit. I have given those a little bit contribution for their studies, for their future. Hopefully, it will be a useful things for their future, Insya Allah. Good Luck and all the best for my student.

Thank you, I have learned many things from you, from the processes and from the time. I really realize I should learn and learn much better in the future time to be a good a lecturer. I will share many things, lessons learned from this one semester lecture in the next post. Insya Allah.

The journey of my Life as lecturer has gone around a half of semester. So far, I enjoy this journey. I am feeling happy within this education community, Teaching – Learning – Researching – and Servicing community.  Information System Department, Institut Teknologi Sepuluh Nopember (ITS).  I proud to be part of it. It is  a comfortable environment in my mind. An environment that encourage me to be as I am. An environment that never make me feel under pressure. Sometime, I wonder whether under pressure make me better or worse for me. I know that someone usually shows better performance under pressure. But, certainly I know that I can only enjoy this life, when I am not in under pressure.

During this journey, frequently I wonder to my self. Whether I can be a qualified Lecturer. Is this profession good and suitable for me? or should I change this profession to another that more suitable for me. Being a profit-oriented company employee in another case. Sometime, it is not easy to find and know better my self. It is not easy to know what the thing that is worse, better, and best for me. Till I try it, and know how the end is. The thing I believe much is I will get the best  from  my profession, If  I am happy and joyful with my profession. Since, I am happy to be lecturer,  then I strongly sure I will get the best in this profession.

Now, let me evaluate my self.  Let me show you whether  I have done the right way as Lecturer.  Let me show you whether I have been a good lecturer  and teach well to the student. One indicator is the examination result. In last couple weeks,  the Mid Semester Test have been held. And Let me show you How the result is. It is very very bad you know. I teach two subjects for two classes this semester:

Management Sciences : This course is prior known as Operation Research. Using mathematics approach to solve optimization problems. It is strongly not Management course that discuss social and business aspects, but much more in mathematics. And the average Mid Semester Result is 38.42 out 100.00. It is very bad, because the students will pass if they got grade greater or equal to 60.00. And only five students got passed grade. Only one student got very good grade, 93.00 out 100.00.

Intelligent System: This course best-known as the most difficult course in Information System Department. Even, minor lecturers can and want to teach this course. It is discuss much on algorithm, mathematics, and statistics. How System (program) can learn in term of they can infer rule automatically from the training data is the main concern of this course. That’s why sometime this course is called Machine Learning. Good logic, mathematics (derivation of formulas), and statistics is strongly required to be success in this course. And How the result is. The average Mid Sem Test grade is only 31.36 out 100.00. No student got grade greater or equal to 60.00 and Only 3 students got grade greater than 50 but less than 60.00.

I am sad to know it and feel guilty to this matter. It Should there are somethings wrong in my Lecture.  It means that I am yet to be good lecturer for my students, isn’t it? It means that I am yet to be capable to be lecturer? May be, Yes. But, I think it is still in my  early begining of my journey. It is premature, to judge my self. Give me a further chance to make me better.  Getting better by the times.


Monday 090209. It is hard day for me. It is my first time to be a lecturer at Information System Department, ITS.  Although I have been teaching assistant for 2 years during my master studies, I am so nervous imagining what will happen in the class. Will the student eat and hurt me? Oh My God, the worse matter is that I have to teach something that I do not really understand. You know, I have to teach Intelligent System course, the subject that i do not like much during my undergraduate studies and never take it during my master studies.

In this course I have to teach a concept of Machine Learning. How to make the program or system can learn from experience by introducing many adaptive algorithm such as candidate elimination, decision tree, artificial neural network, fuzzy logic, genetic algorithm, pattern recognition, etc. To tell you the truth, it is not easy to make my self understand. If so, then how to make my student understand? [ho.. ho… ] In other hand, I am supposed to be [looks] smart lecturer in front of students in the class. I can not imagine either ‘How the stupid teacher teach stupid student ‘ or ‘How the stupid teacher teach smart student’ . Hopefully, it will never happen to me.

The only thing I can do is learning by doing, never hesitate to ask something i do not understand to the others, learn from experience, and be gentle to confess the stupidity of me. I realize that one thousand kilometers journey must be started from one step. It is so natural, everything must be hard at beginning and hopefully eventually will be ended beautifully.

Well, my first class is not so bad. I can enjoy the class and the student looks not so bored with my class. Hope everything getting better and better, Insya Allah 🙂

Cak Shon [@ ITS Surabaya, 280209: 11.07.PM]