and it is about the future.

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Perhaps, the most difficult thing in this life is predicting the future. We will never know exactly what happen in the future. The world tends to be more uncertain, volatile, and turbulence. Ones assert that although it was not always true, future can be predicted from the past. A student who are very diligent, could more probably successful in the future than the lazy one.   But, it is not always true, the fact could be its opposite. In the other hand, however, others argue that future is not to be predicted but to be created.

So, what kind of life do you want to create in your future?

When I was child, I was not so ambitious one that really impassioned  to be what I really wanted to be in the future. I was living in very simple and ordinary life. For me, Life was just life. I let life as it was. Life was when I open eyes from my tight sleep and I could still see the world. My life was not so beautiful. There were many things that I really wanted to, but I did never get it.  A Mountain Bike, sport shoes, books, vacation were some of  the things that I really wanted to but never get it. My parents always told me that Life in this world was so temporarily.  So, no need too worry if it was not like what you expected to be. The real life was life after life i.e. hereafter. This life was simply a temporary shelter that will be left soon to the final destination . As a Muslim,  my parents always taught me that life was fully surrendering ourselves to Allah, one and the only God. Life was simply a field to grow crops of virtue that we will harvest in the future life, the hereafter.

That so simple stand point of life really defined who I was. What happened to me, was really in the shake of God hands.

However, if I were allowed to choose what I really wanted to be in the near future, I would choose to be a Professor and a Novel author. Being a professor, I thought was one of many ways to contribute for making  the world a better place to live in. No matter, how small my contribution would  be. Being a professor was a teaser for my brain to solve many problems in this world that were getting more and more complicated. In the other hand, being a Novel author was a teaser of my heart to record  what I have seen and what I felt in this complicated world. I realized that there were so many memories that were very nice to remember, very worthy to learn from, and many people might want to know. It was very true that we would live in the future, but we could not fully be detached from the past. We should not do the same mistakes and reinvent the wheel if we could learn from the past.

Being a Professor in computer Science and a fiction novel author seems to be two conflicting profession isn’t it? The former one really expect me to work with my brain while the latter really expect me to work with my heart. Another wondering  thing is could I to be fully successful in both while I am not focusing to particular specific thing? But, I really enjoy working with scientific thing  and in the same time I really love with fiction writing. Some of my friends told me that I was melancholic. So, if I choose to be scientist I would probably melancholic scientist . It sounds so weird, isn’t it.

Till finally today I got something that really convinced me that I will in the near future. One of my adorable friends who were studying in Oxford University said on her Facebook time line that  her Professor was so extremely adorable. She was a mother of two girls, a prominent professor in her area i.e. zoology, and she was also a best-selling Novel author. Surprisingly, she was also a wife of another professor in Oxford University and they lived together without any domestic assistant in their home. What an Incredible achievement, indeed. How she could manage her time effectively was so great.

So, to remind my self, in the near future I really want to be:

  1. A good son for my parents and parents in law.
  2. A good Father.
  3. A good Husband.
  4. A good Professor.
  5. A good Novel / Books Author.

Insya Allah. If Allah is willing to, I will really make it in the very near future.

**

It was Wednesday (15/05/13). I finally finished the first draft of my First Year Review report and The third revision of my questionnaire design. I submitted to my supervisors and waited for their feedback. Hopefully, it was not too bad and could make them happy with my work.  In the evening, I attended academic writing class: Synthesizing sources. Yes, I was still not too confident with my English especially the academic writing. But, I was so sleepy attending this class. It was so boring one- and-a -half hour class.  The only worth attending this class was that I met new friend, a beautiful girl from Turkey. She was studying Master in Marketing at University of Nottingham Business School. I was always happy to make a new friend.

Thank you very much for today ya Allah. I love you as always!

my Family : the place where at the end of day my sailing boat will lie the anchor to

….. and  at the end of the day I really want to go home to something worth going home to namely family. I am so lucky, I have it.

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Being apart – in a place of a long lonely journey and too far away – from the loved ones was never easy.

It was so Sunday (12/05/2013). I woke up from my tight sleep at around 2.15 am in the morning. I took Wudlu and prayed for Isyak, Tahajut, Hajat, and Witir. In each single of my prayer, I always pray for my loved ones, family, and friends. To be given all of blessing in their life. After having my Sahur Meal,  I went to mosque at Portland Building the University Park. It was quite cold day because a day before was raining for along the day. It was like a winter again that force me to wear my thick jacket. I walked for about 15 minutes to arrive at the mosque. Conquering the extremely cold weather was paid off with warm greeting from my brothers-in-islam in the mosque and I loved it so much.

After the Subuh prayer, I hid under my thick Duvet  while reciting the Quran and Istigotsah. I was so sleepy and finally overslept while the Quran was still in my hands. an hour later, I woke up again. Suddenly, I missed my mother very much. I kept in touch with my wife and son everyday, but did not with my mother. I contacted my mother quite rarely, at most once a week. I took my mobile phone and called her.

I could hear from her voice that She was extremely happy. I could see and hear love in each single word she spoke to me.  She always wanted to make sure that I was all right, healthy, and happy. I found encouraging in each single of her lough. When, I asked her to make prayer for me, she always convinced me that even I did not request to, she always and will always be praying for me. O, I love you mom and Dad. Sorry, for that I had always  been  pretending so busy with my own business, while in your heart ,  I knew that I was always be there.

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Her caring and loving voices reminded me that  actually I had so many people that loved me. I had a big family that loving me sincerely but I took them for granted. I had parents, parent in-law, sisters, brothers, sisters in law, brothers in law, uncles, aunties, nephews, nieces, cousins, and so forth.  But, I ignored them. I did not care about them and I looked like I did not really need them so far. It was true that I had many friends. Friends that are some time more than family. Frequently, I prefer friends to family to share my Life with. I felt more comfort to share my problems with my friends than to my family. I was so lucky, I have many nice friends yet made me forget that I have family.

Suddenly, I took my mobile phone and I made call to my aunties, my mother- in law,  my cousins, my brother and sister in-law. Indeed,  it was my first time I contacted them since I came to the UK. It was my first time I communicated directly with them, since I said good bye to them. Oh God, how evil I was. They were so surprised and extremely happy that I contacted them just for asking how their life was going. I could hear clearly from their voice a convincing truth of how they are sincerely caring, loving, and wishing me a best luck all the time. They were the most beautiful poem that I ever had. They were my supporting hearts.  That, ridiculously I just realized it.

eventually,  when I was down, … it  reminded me that there are other hearts hoping  me to be very successful in the near future.

And at the end of the day I really want to go home to something worth going home to namely family. I felt so lucky I have a family, the place where at the end of day my sailing boat will lie the anchor to.

**

It was raining and the sky was so dark, but it can not stop my foot path walking to the Lab. Lonely, I spent my time in the lab to deal with my PhD stuff until 09.00 PM. Thank you Allah for my Family. It was a priceless gift I ever had. I will never muff them again. Thank you Allah for the day. I love you !