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Category Archives: Share D Contemplation

I wonder : What a Happiness is ?

“Pursuit of  happiness” [remember me a wonderful film, a film starred by Will Smith about the on-and-off-homeless salesman-turned-stockbroker Chris Gardner :p] . Definitely, you and I are very sure Everyone in this world want to pursuit a happiness in their Life.  No one want to friend with tears and sadness along his/her Life. No none want to life in poverty in this world. Everyone want to smile and lough.  But, sometime I wonder what a happiness actually is. Is it a same definition for everyone?

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy [en, wiki]. I think not many people confute on the definition of happiness. But, How to pursuit those state of mind and feelings, everyone has his/her own way. One of my friend said that He felt happy since He have a very popular web blog with high page rank, although no much money on his hand. ” I am feeling mo re happy than them” He said while pointing some people with glamorous style nearby him.  My Another friend said that the ultimate happiness is when you can make money without any effort. You can buy a happiness with your money in your hand he advised me. My else another friend believed that happiness is when you have love in your hand, the ultimate happiness is when you are falling in love.

When I was endeavoring to finish my thesis. I thought that happiness was when I could successfully finished my thesis and got my M.Sc. degree. But, when I got it all, Should I redefine on what happiness is? So, happiness will evolve over and over wrestling with the time. Happiness is get together for those who alone. Happiness is fresh water for those who is thirsty. Happiness is enough money for those who live in poverty, Happiness is get a good job for jobless.  etc. , etc. and etc.  Then what actually the real happiness.

Finally, I contemplate my self. In my lonely room, no one besides me. In the middle of night. Thinking deeply insight what a happiness is.  Eventually, I realized that happiness is when I know better of my self and another happiness is when I can contribute to others. When I know better of me, it draws me to know better of God. I realized that I was so fragile, weak, empty, and need a great power. That a great power is no other but God. God, who look after me in each single time. God, who make I never feel lonely before, during, and after this temporary Life.  God, He is the source of the ultimate of pure  happiness.  and another happiness is found when I contribute not for my self, but when I contribute for others.

When I know better source of the ultimate of pure  happiness, there should be a happiness in each single of my time. Oh God, guide me to run a way to know better and better of you.

cakshon [@ ITS, 300309 17:10 PM]

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Here, I stand. I can do no other, So Please… Help Me Ya ALLAH ! Ammiin

That day 17 of march 2009, will be a historical moment in my Life. that day I will defense in oral presentation for my master thesis, entitled: “SWA-KMDLS: an enhanced e-learning management system using semantic web and knowledge management technology”. that day I will be judged by examiner whether I am qualified to pass and get M.Sc. degree or fail.

“Nervous and feeling not confident”. Yeah… that’s all illustrated what I am feeling now, 2 days go to the due date. Perhaps, it is normal for everyone in the world. Surveys showed that presentation placed the first place, the things that make people to fear. Even, compared with the death.

But, how to combat this annoying feeling? someone said to try breath therapy, some one else said the only thing to do is to be well prepared and rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse !!

Yeah, Rehearse, Rehearse, and Rehearse !! I think it is the most reasonable tips. As the proverbs said that “Practice Make Perfect” . But… oh no… I feel so lazy to do this. Since, I am not a perfectionist man. I have never ever doing preparation for my presentation. I always let my presentation flows naturally on the spot during the presentation. Although, it is not always be good. I feels it is Ok !

My supervisors advise me to do simulation presentation and ask feedback from my friends. Argh…. but it is not my type. I am so naturalist . Sometime I feel I can not control myself and control my Life, but I am under control of the Most Great Power in this world. I believe the Great Power is God, Allah. Where [actually] there is no power and courage but from Allah.

So, the only thing I can do is praying to Him. Hope, everything will be just fine and the all is very best to Me. While trying as well as I can do to be well prepared. Trying to Rehearse, Rehearse, and Rehearse. Preparing the presentation script as “helping secret tool” to recover the worst thing when my brain is suddenly blank during the presentation. Finally, May I can grabbed the Martin Luther words: ” Ich Kann nicht anders Got Helf, Mir [Here, I stand. I can do no other, so please help me God]”.

Ya Allah, Allahumma yassir umuurona !!

My Mom, Dad, Teachers, Brothers, Sisters, and Friends Wish Me luck and all very best for me ! thank you 🙂
My Supervisor Ass. Professor Dr Ahmad Kamil, Ms Noreen Izza Arshad, and Mr Izuddin ZA, please besides me and support me !
My Examiner Ass Professor Dr Abrizah Abdullah (University of Malaya) and Dr Wan Fatimah Ahmad (Univ. Teknologi Petronas), Dr Baharum Please be kind to me 🙂

cakshon [@ UTP, 150309 9:32:AM]


The Craziness of my Careless Habits

So long so far, I am still happy with my careless habits. Just a little bit bad effect in my mind, even sometime to be somewhat careless and not perfectionist person give many advantages for my Life in my mind.

But, lately, this bad habit make me really really feel crazy. I don’t really know perfectly why, lately this bad habit being so cronis. May because of too many things to think and to do in my daily Life. You know, I have to prepare my defense examination for my master thesis, prepare lecture material for 3 subject s that I should to teach in each week, prepare my research proposal that the duedate in close day, prepare my International Conference paper that should be revised and paid in close days, prepare starting my business with my friend, help my friend up from fall in love with my another friend and many other things to do.

Last days, my GF angried me. She protested to me that I did not care her anymore. Even, She tried to forget me forever regarding this matter. Fortunately, She can not do it. The more She try to forget me, the more She remembers and loves me, :p. You know, I am in risky to be lost of my GF.

I have to be ashamed in two sequential days, in the same place. In the morning, I have taken food and drink to eat in a restourant. I just realized that i did not bring my wallet and no money in my pocket, when I went to cashier to pay.
I have to go down-up stair 2 till 3 times from my rent house and office, there is always something left, and when I get the thing, another thing is left. Oh.. so very bad.I am feeling like crazy those days.

The worst thing is today I just realized that I lost my thumb drive. Where I saved all my work data, my thesis, my research, my lecture material, my journal, my e-book and many important things in it. The worse of the worst is I do not have the back up at all. I felt like lost of a part of my soul. I want to angry and cry to myself today. I striked my own head and face. “Huh… Should I restart everything from beginning?”.”Oh no… so very-very hard, yo know”.

I am crying, regreting all my stupidity, all my careless habits. I just realized that this bad habits affected badly in my Life. Oh my God, May You will release this bad habit out of me and change with another good habit: “Tobe Carefull”.
Hopefully.

cakshon [@ ITS 070309]
[pict grabbed from: http://www.naturalux.com/SAD.jpg ]